Three lessons I learned in 2017

Three things I learned in 2017

If you are reading this, you survived the madness that is Christmas. I hope you enjoyed it. I typically take the week between Christmas and New Year’s to look back over the year—the experiences, the accomplishments, the lessons learned, and the things I hope to improve in the coming year. For me, this is usually a personal, solitary practice. However, this year I would like to share with you three lessons I learned in 2017. To say that I’ve learned the lessons doesn’t mean I’ve perfected the practice, but I’ve definitely made progress and I have a firm foundation to go back to when I find myself straying from these truths.

  1. Acceptance: I am not in control. You’d think at age 56, I might have learned this lesson a long time ago. Intellectually, I did; but it seems, on a deeper level, I’ve held on to the illusion of control: if I worry enough, strategize enough, take charge, I can make things turn out the way I want them to. But guess what, I cannot control anyone else’s actions, emotions, health, or personal struggles. I cannot control the weather, natural disasters, world economies or politics. And—here’s the kicker—I can accept that and be at peace. If I catch myself worrying or overthinking or trying to take responsibility for something that doesn’t belong to me, I ask myself, what about this situation is within my control, and I focus on that. Everything else I let go with love.

Three lessons I learned in 2017: Acceptance

  1. Purpose: I’ve been making it too complicated. I do not need a grandiose life purpose to have a purpose for my life. Not everyone can discover a live-saving cure, invent something that improves the quality of life on a massive scale, or be a great artist. Spreading happiness in small ways is a legitimate life purpose. And my happiness counts too. Joy is my life purpose. Of course, I have to go back to lesson #1; I accept that happiness and sorrow are impermanent and not within my control. Still, I do what I can to contribute to happiness and never intentionally cause or compound sorrow (including my own). I’ve given up searching for a grand purpose. My goal is to celebrate life by being fully present in each moment. Soak up as much life as I can. Appreciate what I have. Try new things. Visit new places. Connect with people. Give of myself. Accept from others. Live life.

Three things I learned in 2017: Purpose

  1. Connection: we have more commonalities than differences. You and I are not so different. At the core of things, we both want to be happy; we both want to avoid suffering; and at times we find it difficult to achieve that. The person that cuts me off on the freeway, disrespects me, lacks social skills, or offends me in some other way, he or she is a person—someone’s child—with feelings, with aspirations, with challenges. To take it to another level, even people with ideologies and values that are in exact opposition to my own, or whose life circumstances are completely outside my realm of understanding, experience the same motivating emotions—fear, anger, sadness, joy, disgust, surprise, trust, and anticipation. Understanding and embracing this fact doesn’t mean I accept prejudices or hurtful words and actions, but it gives me ammunition against my own tendency to judge or dislike another person. I’ve always seen myself as a loving, accepting person. My lovingkindness mediation practice this year helped me see where I had room for improvement, and I have taken that to heart (literally).

Three lessons I learned in 2017: Connection

Those are my life lessons from 2017. I am eager to see what 2018 will bring—for me and for you. Here’s to another year of adventure, learning, and love!

Your turn

  1. What was one of your life lessons for 2017?
  2. Do you have a goal for 2018 or are you winging it?
  3. What was your favorite Christmas gift (received or given) this year?

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32 Comments

  1. Your learnings blow me away and I feel that you have pushed my thinking on what life goals should be. I am saving your comments for reflection.

    1. Thank you Fran. Some of these were hard lessons to learn, but worth it in the long run. If I can touch your life in some small way, I am humble and grateful. Happy new year to you and yours!

  2. Your phrase “learned the lesson doesn’t mean perfected the practice” really resonated with me. I too am learning how to be present, how to practice gratitude, how to live life. I often said, I’m an expert at working, but a beginner at living. Your three lessons are ones I am also learning as I a beginner at living life. Thanks for sharing these great reflections.

  3. Hi, Christie – I like you life lessons for 2017. They have provoked me to think of my own life lessons from this past year. I don’t have them ready yet for this comment….I will keep reflecting.
    Wishing you an awesome New Year.
    Donna

    1. Thanks Donna. I hope your New Year is wonderful too–both the holiday and the year! I’d love it if you’d come back to comment when you’ve had some time to reflect on your life lessons for 2017. Either way, I’m sure those lessons will shine through in your blog posts, so I’ll watch for them there. Cheers!

  4. Hi Christie

    Wow! Beautifully said. I must say, I struggle with these life lessons on a daily basis. In 2018, I’m hoping to be less controlling, more patient with others, and more willing to step outside my myself in order to connect with others.

    Have a wonderful New Year
    Laura

  5. Fabulous life lessons. I think if we all could learn these, we’d be much happier. As far as your three questions at the end of your post are concerned, I’ll have to think about #1 and #2, but my favorite Christmas gift (and really my only one since we no longer exchange actual presents) is the time my husband and I were able to spend with our family and friends around the holidays.

    1. Time with loved ones is truly the best gift. We were also blessed with that over the holidays, and I loved every minute! May the joy continue into the new year. Thanks for stopping by, Janis, and taking the time to comment. It’s always good to hear from you.

  6. Sounds like you’ve done a lot of reflecting, Christie. My answers:
    #1 – Every day is a good day when I take care of my health first and then do something good for my family and friends or my community.
    #2 – I always have goals for my year. It’s good to live life with a purpose while keep it simple.
    #3 – My favourite gift received and given this year is time with my own family and my extended family around the holidays, and be my best when I’m with them.

  7. I am always searching for my life purpose and always think it should be something grand. Maybe it is just living my life the best I can and letting others do the same.

    1. That’s pretty much the conclusion I came to for myself, Victoria. It’s good to have goals and try to contribute, but I am having to learn to live in the moment and give up trying to control everything. Here’s to a wonderful new year ahead!

  8. Hi Christie,
    I was just rereading Danielle LaPorte’s book The Desire Map, when I came across this statement about purpose that I thought you might enjoy – “Becoming YOU is your life’s purpose. What else could it be?”

    Your life lessons are thought-provoking. I’d have to say that I haven’t learned any of them yet, but I feel myself changing and have a lot of hope that I’ll be able to give a different answer a year from now.

    Happy New Year, Christie.

  9. Your lessons #1 and #2 both speak to me. This coming year I want to try to let things go, quit grinding and clenching my teeth and worrying over every aspect of my life and the lives of those I love most. The quote by Leon Brown is just what I needed to read and then commit to memory!

  10. Hi Christie! What a thoughtful post. I too am still evaluating and trying to figure out the BEST ways to experience the Voyage. Your top three are really good ones that resonated with me. I often find myself thinking that (as a retired teacher) my “purpose” is finished! So now what?!!? You’ve given me some things to mull over in the next few days! Thanks! ~ Lynn

    1. Thank you Lynn. It occurs to me as I read your comment, that our purposes are living, growing things that change with our phases of life. Thanks for taking the time to comment. Happy New Year to you!

  11. I sometimes think we are living each other’s lives Christie – that first point of letting go of control is a huge one for me. Every time I think I’ve managed it, I find myself right back where I started. It is an ongoing “thing” for me and I’ll be working on it in 2018. Also the key for me is to stop investing my happiness and self worth in other people and things – I’m writing about that a lot today (http://www.crestingthehill.com.au/2018/01/goodbye-to-2017.html) and more as January continues. Thanks for your insights – it’s good to know that we’re doing our best to keep moving forward.

    1. Yes, Leanne, I believe we are soul sisters. 🙂 And I too find myself learning to give up the illusion of control over and over again, but I do believe each time I make a bit more progress and the underlying sense of peace stays with me longer. I’ve experienced things in the past couple of years that I would have thought would destroy me, and yet here I am, surviving and even thriving. May 2018 be our year! Cheers!

  12. Hi Christie
    I like the succinct way you phrase your lessons. I am trying to work on lots of things and I think #1 is the main one I struggle with for some reason. Your post was very thoughtful and you have provoked some deep thinking!! Thanks for the lessons and all the best for 2018.

    1. Ah, learning to accept that we are not in control is a tough one for everyone I think, but also the key to loving life no matter what is thrown at us. It’s a lesson I have to periodically learn over again. Best wishes to you in this new year!

  13. I have a lot of reflecting and things to think about this year. Acceptance is a big one for sure. I am convinced that if we could accomplish the 3 lessons you speak of,,,we have it under control!

  14. Hi Christie! I totally agree and it is so hard sometimes to achieve the three lessons you have learned. Especially #1 – Acceptance. My word for 2018 is Thrive so I hope we can thrive together through the Over 50 & Thriving series. Learning from each other. Happy New Year and I wish you every happiness and health. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and co-hosting #BloggingGrandmothersLinkParty. Have a beautiful day. xx

    1. Thanks Sue. I hope you enjoyed (are enjoying?) your beach vacation. Your photos are lovely. I’m looking forward to your thriving series and learning from each other, as you said, throughout 2018. Happy New Year to you and yours!

  15. You’re right Christie , we are not that different at all! I am in a very similar place to you and love your thought provoking post. I am trying to focus this year and cut down on all the skimming/scanning/multitaksing and try to be more in the moment like you say! I learnt how good my life can be during 2017 and am enjoying this new phase. My best gift for Christmas was time to relax without commitments. Looking forward to a great 2018 with you.

    1. It’s a lot more difficult than you would think to really be in the moment, isn’t it? But life is good in those times when you achieve mindfulness. Your Christmas sounds lovely. Here’s to more of that in 2018!

  16. I learned that there is life beyond work, when I cut back my scheduled to part time. I want to learn to play more in 2018, since this is a difficult area for me. I’ve worked so much in my lifetime, that if I’m not being ‘productive’ I feel guilty. I’ve also set a goal to clean out things in our home and de clutter. I made a good start on this last weekend. I used to do this annually and haven’t done it for a few years so things have a way of building up. I either give away or throw away according to condition of the item. I want to continue to use my writing to help people laugh in a world that is often too serious. My favorite Christmas gift was an ornament made from one of my grandson’s art work. So precious! #GrandmothersBloggingLinkParty

    1. These are worthy goals, Molly. One tip I’ve learned on staying decluttered is anytime you bring a new item into the house (other than a consumable such as groceries), you get rid of another. That way, at least you are never adding to the clutter. I love that your favorite gift is artwork from your grandson. Aren’t they the best? Thanks for stopping by!

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