Gratitude for what is…releasing the illusion of control
I am open and receptive to all possibilities.
This has been my mantra for 2025. At the time I chose it, I explained, “I want to face the world with a sense of joyful curiosity and experimentation.”
I still want that, of course, but this month I have been thinking about another meaning for my mantra. When I say I am open and receptive to all possibilities, I must also be open to the possibility of disappointment…of things not working out the way I had anticipated…and yet still being able to feel gratitude for what is, without wasting a lot of energy wishing for things to be different.
For more than six months, my husband and I have been looking forward to a trip to Mazatlán to spend time with the sunshine, ocean, and good friends we haven’t seen in two years. Now that the planned trip is just days aways, we…along with so many others in the U.S.…are facing the uncertainty of a government shutdown that has created chaos for the airlines. Will our flights be cancelled? Even if they’re not, will delays cause us to miss connections? If we arrive, will we be able to get home? Are the skies and runways safe? Do we risk it?
This situation is not what I would choose, given a choice…but I wasn’t. I am not in control of the refusal of Republicans and Democrats to work together. I am not in control of which flights get cancelled or delayed. I am not even in complete control of whether to change my own plans. My husband and I need to work together to find a level of comfort that we can both live with.
So what am I in control of? Primarily my feelings…where I focus my attention and emotional energy. I am grateful for so many things related to this situation.
- I am grateful that I am retired, so I’m not stressing out about wasting my precious vacation time.
- I am grateful for those TSA employees and air traffic controllers who continue to work to keep us safe, even without a paycheck.
- I am grateful that I have friends I love enough to miss, if we can’t make it.
- I am grateful that this is not a life-or-death situation.
- I’m glad that my tickets are fully-refundable to future travel credits.
- I am grateful for the sense of acceptance I have nurtured over the years, so I am not raging against the uncertainty or disappointment. I still feel sad and a little anxious, but it’s not overwhelming. I feel grounded and overall at peace.
I know there are people in my country who are truly suffering from the loss of income or government services. I am doing what little I can to help relieve that suffering where I can and to be grateful for my own abundance.
Time will tell if I am grateful for the opportunity to visit our friends and the beach that we love or if I must accept and be grateful for my own home and time with my closer…geographically…friends and family. If you do not hear from me for a couple of weeks, you can assume it was the former.
Related video
Your turn
- Are things humming along for you in the moment, or are you adjusting to a reality you didn’t choose?
- Where was the last place you traveled to?
- What else is on your mind? Anything at all; I just love to hear from you.
Hi Christie – that loss of control, and the fear that goes with it, is a very real thing. I’ve been working hard at not worrying, letting go, releasing the need to micro-manage everything…. and it all seems to be going well until it’s put to a big test, and then it all rolls back in again. Even our bathroom reno ended up bringing me out in stress hives by the end of it all – absolutely ridiculous!
I hope things smooth out over there and that you get to have your holiday – but even more that the political upheavals settle and the country can get back to stability again.
It is tough, Leanne, and as you said, just when I think I have figured out how to accept things and go with the flow, I’m reminded I’m not quite there yet. It is a process, and I’m happy to say, I’m further along in the process than I used to be. At least now, I can catch myself before I spiral too far and refocus on the positive. I appreciate your well wishes. We have decided not to travel right now, but we can definitely use prayers and positive energy to help our country right itself.
I’m so impressed and proud of you for your good attitude. It is a wonderful quality to be positive, especially when disappointed. I truly hope that you are able to go, but if not maybe we can have a spa day or a play day while you’re in Murray. 🤞🙏
Thank you, Cindy. We have decided not to travel right now, and I am disappointed. I would be lying if I said otherwise, but I can say that I am handling it better than I would have at other periods of my life. I’ll be in touch with you about a play day!
H Christie. I understand where you’re coming from but it’s not easy to not be in control. Over the years I’ve learnt to go with the flow. One of my mantras is – if it’s outside out of my control do not waste time and energy worrying about it. I was planning on going to a conference at Salt Lake City in March but with the uncertainty in the US we decided to give it a miss. I hope your plans turn out and you get to spend time with your friends.,
I’m sorry that you were not able to attend the conference in Salt Lake City, Jennifer. I don’t know if you’ve been here before, but it is beautiful! And maybe we could have met in person. That said, I completely understand your hesitancy to travel to the US right now. We have decided not to take our trip either. With any luck, we can try again in the near future.
I saw a bumper sticker the other day. It said, “Have the day you voted for.” And, I thought about that for a bit and decided you can take that a negative way or a positive way. I have been choosing the positive way. There is so much wrong in our country right now…so much over which I have no control. But, I do have control over me and my reactions. Luckily, we are set financially, but my heart bleeds for those who don’t so I’ve upped my donations to charities and even started some new ones. I pray for our country to heal itself and be better than it was. I do hope things work out for you and you’re able to take your long planned trip. If not, you’ve got a wonderful mindset about it.
https://marshainthemiddle.com/
Interesting bumpersticker, Marsha. Agreed, you can take that as a negative or a positive. Unfortunately, right now I feel like I’m having the kind of days I never voted for. I also am so grateful that we have a comfortable roof over our head, food to eat, and money to pay for other expenses…indulgences even. That is not the reality for so many. Our country can do better than this, and I hope we figure it out soon.
Hi Christie, oh dear what a situation. I am not good at loss of control but I really like the shift of focus of what you can control. All the very best with your trip. I hope it all goes smoothly with no hiccups whatsoever! Thank you for sharing with us at #WWWhimsy xo
Thank you, Min. We’ve made the decision to stay home for now. There will be other trips, I’m sure.
Oh wow. I have been keeping an eye on US Politics (dont judge!) because it is hard for us outsiders to fathom.
I know I would find it very hard too to be in the hands of others’ for safety and care.
I am having therapy for my trauma caused by my oral cancer surgeries etc and today my counsellor spoke about ‘what’s in my control and what’s not’…
BUT it’s still hard around something like this when it seems to change day by day for your country.
Sending the biggest of hugs and HOPE things work out OK!
Denyse x
Yes, Denyse, I’m sure there are people around the world wondering what is going on over here. It’s hard for me to fathom, and I live in the middle of it. The stress related to US politics is real. Thank you for the virtual hugs and well wishes. I need all I can get!
Hi Christie, we faced a huge disappointment last year when the sale of our home fell through, and the life we had planned didn’t materialize. Getting over it and hitting the reset button to ‘what is’ has been a struggle at times. Our new normal involves owning a home we didn’t choose. Changes in the housing market mean we have no immediate prospects of selling, compounding our disappointment. Feeling held hostage is the best way to describe our current situation. It isn’t easy to make long-range plans, but we are doing our best to work within these new boundaries. At least, we have a comfortable home. For that, we are grateful.
We faced the airline challenges last week when we flew from Louisville to Orlando. Orlando flights were grounded/redirected for a couple of days (leaving lots of people stranded) before we were due to fly. We got a little nervous. The four of us decided that if the worst happened, we would rent a car and drive home. Not an option for you, but that was our pivot. Thankfully, flights resumed and all went well. Of course, the shutdown complicated air traffic, but flying, at any time of year, can be stressful. We are always a bit on edge, fingers crossed that there are no delays or complications. Wishing you safe travels. Enjoy the beach!
That’s a big one, Suzanne. Our homes affect every aspect of our lives, and to feel like your stuck in one can’t be fun. As you said, I’m glad you do have the comfort of a home, even if it’s not the one you would have chosen. I’m glad you made it home okay. If we could have come up with a Plan B, we would have carried on, but as it is, we decided to cancel our trip for now. As you pointed out, holiday travel is stressful enough under the best of circumstances.
Christie, I’m sorry to hear that. I know you must be disappointed. The beach will be there when you are ready to try again.
Thank you Suzanne. It is disappointing, but I am at peace with our decision. As you say, the beach will be there when we try again.
Christie, So sorry the craziness in our country is impacting you. I know, it’s minor compared with many other’s impacts, but the feeling of not being in control, so hard. This year has been a lot of learning about that feeling for me – not being in control. And like you, it helps when I focus on gratitude.
Thank you, Pat. I do try to keep things in perspective, but it still hurts a little. You’ve definitely had baptism by fire when it comes to giving up any illusion of control for sure. I hope the coming year is kinder to you.
Christie, your point about adjusting to things not turning out the way you hoped, planned or expected is well made. Especially the part about seeking out the gratitude in that experience. I am a natural daydreamer, but I’ve found it helpful of late to channel my daydreaming in a more practical direction, rather than my usual pie in the sky. It’s helped me with getting more good stuff done too 🙂
Thank you for the kind words, Debs. I think there is a place for pie-in-the-sky daydreaming, but as you pointed out, it’s also important to whittle it down to something that is achievable when designing goals or making plans.