Repeat after me: you are partly right
When someone praises you, do you feel pleased or uncomfortable?
When someone criticizes you, are you devastated or defensive?
Perhaps a combination of the two?
In her book, We Were Made for These Times, Kaira Jewel Lingo offers another more thoughtful response: you are partly right.
This response acknowledges that neither praise nor blame is a complete description of who we are. When someone appreciates something about us, they see our strengths, but we know we also have weaknesses. They are partly right.
When someone judges us or blames us, they are seeing our shortcomings, but we know we also have positive characteristics. They are partly right.
Practicing this mantra…you are partly right…keeps us both humble and confident. We learn not to rely on external sources of approval or disapproval, and we become more patient and compassionate with ourselves.
This message resonates with me. Perhaps it speaks to you as well.
Thanks to Denyse for recommending this excellent book.
Your turn
- Has your response to praise and criticism changed with time?
- What is the last nonfiction book you read? Would you recommend it?
- What else is on your mind? Anything all all; I just love to hear from you.
Hi Christie – I’ve always been prone to rising and falling on the opinions of others. Now I’m more able to separate myself from all that noise and just be okay with being “me”. My husband (the counsellor) says that it’s about self-acceptance, rather than self-confidence – you acknowledge that you’ve got positive qualities, but also that there’s not so fabulous stuff that you’re a work in progress with. We’re all partly there aren’t we?
Your husband is a smart man, Leanne. We all have positive and not-so-positive qualities. Accepting that makes the present more pleasant and progress more likely. I too have gotten better at accepting feedback as just that…certainly not more valuable than my own understanding of myself.
Hi, Christie – I believe that my response to both praise and criticism has changed. I don’t take either as seriously as I once did.
In response to your second question, yesterday I finished reading The Children’s Train by Viola Ardone (translated from the original Italian). This book is a Historical Fiction as opposed to NonFiction. The true events that it is based upon (The “Happiness Train” that (temporarily) took over 70,000 children away from their impoverished families in post-WWII Italy) are absolutely fascinating — and often neglected or forgotten in our history. I highly recommend this read.
Hi Donna. Happily, it seems most of us have gotten better at responding to feedback from others as we grow older and smarter. ? I too love historical fiction. Thank you for the recommendation.
1. I’m better with accepting praise with grace, but I still struggle with criticism – tending to be devastated rather than defensive.
2. The last non-fiction book I read is Madly, Deeply – the diaries of Alan Rickman. I wouldn’t recommend it, as it was entirely patchy (as a private diary is likely to be). But I’m currently reading Good Wives from Margaret Forster which is part biography, part opinion piece and which I would recommend even though I’ve only read the first section about Mary, wife of Dr Livingstone (I presume).
3. Lots of things are on my mind, doing a Masterclass for my coaching business, my daughter’s 40th birthday & the holidays, whether my back will settle down, and whether the rotters who cut out my car’s catalytic converter will have another try now it has a new one. My mind may be a bit messy at the moment, truth be told 😉
Hello Debs. Thanks for taking the time to respond to all my questions. I so enjoy getting to know you more. Hopefully, this response of “you are partly right” will help with any future criticism you may receive. Thank you also for the book recommendation. I’ve made note of it. I hate to hear that your catalytic converter was stolen. There’s a service in the area where I live that they will engrave your VIN and put a warning on your catalytic converter to deter would-be thieves and those making the purchases. It’s sad that such a thing is even necessary.
Yes! I am partly right and partly wrong all the time. I get that– and people are never shy about telling me their opinions about what I’ve done. I always remind myself to consider the source before I engage with the opinions of others. Most of the time a shrug will do.
Aren’t we all, Ally! I like the idea of weighing the source and nature of the feedback, always in light of the fact that whatever it is, it is only at best partly right.