Taking loving kindness on the road
Something frequently happens to me when I get behind the wheel of a car. I turn from loving and accepting to irritable and judgmental. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not a road rager, but I definitely say things from the isolated comfort of my car that I would never say in another setting. For whatever reason, I am much less forgiving when I am driving than I am in other situations. For example, if I’m walking purposefully down the hallway at work, and someone steps out from around a corner, causing me to swerve or stop suddenly, my first reaction isn’t, “Idiot!” I smile and sometimes laugh. I may even apologize, though I have the “right of way.”
I’m not alone in this propensity for driving anger. Remember the George Carlin routine: “Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?” The fact that this is a universal, if unreasonable, sentiment is what made the joke so funny.
Regardless, I didn’t like the negative energy I was putting out in the world, or the way the residual irritation left me feeling, so I decided to do something about it. I started a practice that was inspired by a Wildmind blog post. When I catch myself cursing out another driver, I stop and consciously think or say, “May you know happiness. May you be safe.” To reinforce the sentiment, each time I stop at a red light, I look at the cars around me and repeat the same phrase: “May you know happiness. May you be safe.” If I catch someone’s eye while I’m doing it, all the better. I look them in the eye and smile.
It’s surprising what a difference this has made for me. The other drivers have transformed from idiots and maniacs into real people—people just like me, with lives, feelings, and a desire for happiness. I feel friendly towards them and better about myself. I arrive at my destination much more at peace.
Here’s another little tip for taking loving kindness on the road (also from Wildmind). Whenever you see or hear an emergency vehicle, wish those involved well, saying, “May you be surrounded by love. May you be well supported.”
If you decide to give it a try, I’d love to hear about your experience.
Related video
Your turn
- Does your personality transform when you drive (or possibly other drivers transform into idiots and manics around you)?
- Who is your favorite comedian? What about him or her appeals to you?
- Do you have any loving kindness practices you’d like to share?
I’m going to try Those on the road messages, thanks!
I use an idea from Deepak Chopra. I try and “give a gift” to people I come across in the bustle of life. It can be a smile, a compliment, offering a hand if they are struggling to get a grocery cart, stuff like that. It can even be offering them a silent blessing, like those for drivers in your post. It reduces the anonymity of daily life.
I love that Connie. Thanks for sharing. May you have a love-filled day!
Because we had an unexpected experience with Life Flight in our family, I always send a prayer for comfort, healing and love whenever I see a Life Flight helicopter. Those pilots and the medical personnel on that flight saved my grandchild’s life several times en route to the hospital, so I always pray for them and the passenger.
When driving, I try to remember that little driving mistakes are made by everyone. I refuse to give a total stranger the power to ruin even a split second of my day. I practice deep breathing when I drive and like you, I try to make eye contact and smile at others in their cars.
Thanks for visiting my blog, Deb, and sharing your experience. I’m so glad the Life Flight team was there for your grandchild. They are pretty amazing. And if I pass you on the road, we’ll be the ones with the big, goofy grins!
Hi, Christie – Thank you so much for sharing this. I love the suggestions that you presented here, and Connie’s as well. I will give them both a try!
Thanks Donna. The world can use all the loving kindness we can spread!
The same thing happens to me when I’m driving. I make up reasons for why they did what I consider an infraction, “He must be late for his granddaughter’s recital” or “she’s so excited about her new pregnancy she just isn’t thinking”. Hopefully people will give me the benefit of the doubt when I do something stupid! ?
I like that Cindy! Thanks for sharing.
I had never heard that quote about the idiot and the maniac. It did make me smile, because that’s exactly how it sometimes feels. Yes, my husband and I both transform when in a vehicle. We get angry easily and are annoyed at the stupidity and oblivion of other drivers. I’ll try your little exercise. It will certainly ease our minds and racing hearts a bit. It might work in many cases. Although, I fear it will exclude all those people that are busy on their mobile devices instead of focusing on the road or the green light. 🙂
Good point Liesbet. It is challenging to feel loving kindness towards people who use their mobile devices while operating a vehicle. That is going to take some work for me as well. On a related note, I once saw a driver with a book propped up on her steering wheel!
Occasionally I may be irritable behind the wheel, but I try to remember and yield to other drivers. Drivers usually appreciate it.
I’m sure they do, Betty.
My personality definitely changes behind the wheel. I am not an aggressive driver, but my patience is tested quite a bit. I’m going to try your suggestion (although sometimes I may say “May you know happiness. May you be safe. May you stop being an idiot” 🙂 ). Nice post.
Ha Janis! I like your little twist on things. Baby steps.
I share your tendency to curse while driving, and like you, Christie, I don’t like this about myself. The other day when I was calling a slow poke a moron, I remembered how slow my Dad drove in his latter years, and suddenly I changed my attitude and pictured my Dad driving the car ahead of me. I was grateful to have him back if for only a moment, and felt compassion for the driver. It was a great exercise in loving kindness and turning the situation around. I like your analogy of meeting someone in the hall. This is a great reminder to calm down and show kindness to fellow humans, feeling better about myself in the process. #BloggingGrandmothers
I love the idea of connecting “faceless” drivers with someone you love, stirring up compassion for that driver and creating a tribute to your loved one. Thanks for sharing that Molly.
Such a great post! My personality does change when I drive, I encounter idiots and maniacs as well. I’ll have to try your new idea for dealing with them. One of my fav comics would be Roseanne. She can always make me laugh. Robin Williams and George Carlin were other favs. I just love to watch or listen to anyone that can make me laugh out loud. You know my fav saying is: Laughter is the best medicine! Thank you Christie for linking up and co-hosting at the #BloggingGrandmothersLinkParty. I shared your post on Facebook, Google+, Pinterest, and Twitter.
Thanks Dee. Yes, laughter truly is the best medicine. Few things feel as good as a deep belly laugh!
I like your mantra. I’m a pretty tolerant driver but my husband gets very antsy behind the wheel of a car and I realize it is because he is a little claustrophobic. I always tell him things like “what if that is a new driver or an elder driver?” when he gets annoyed by other drivers and that seems to help him clam down. As he’s gotten older he’s gotten more tolerant, however, and now having a new car with “eyesight” has made him feel safer and more in control against the bad drivers
That’s funny, Pat. I often say something similar to my husband if the driver is very young or older–older being anyone I perceive to be older than me :-).