But the greatest of these is love – revisited
I originally published this post in my first year of blogging…six years ago. In my humble opinion, the message bears repeating. If anything, its importance has become more evident in light of the lessons learned from COVID and social distancing. I hope you will indulge me in this repeat. I am pleased to report that I have made some progress in this area in the past six years…though there is still room for improvement.
When you are in the final days of your life, what will you want? Will you hug that college degree in the walnut frame? Will you ask to be carried to the garage so you can sit in your car? Will you find comfort in rereading your financial statement? Of course not. What will matter then will be people. If relationships will matter most then, shouldn’t they matter most now?
~Max Lucaddo
This week’s blog brings us to my final core value: love and relationships. You could say I’ve saved the best for last. People are, after all, the most important thing in my life. They bring me the most joy, the most pain, the most growth. Even when I’m doing something that doesn’t directly involve other people, I’m usually thinking about how it affects them or what I’m going to tell them about it. When I have a lightbulb moment, I immediately start writing the blog post in my head. When I’m on a hike with spectacular views, I take photos to share with my friends on social media. When I’m reading a good book, I can’t wait to pass it on to my sisters. When I’m having a rough day at work—or a great day at work—I know I’ll tell Larry all about it.
Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow.
~Swedish Proverb
My best memories are those times I spent with people I care about. The first thing that comes to mind is our annual family trips and Christmas parties. The picture above is from our 2019 trip to Mazatlan with our children and grandchildren—19 of us in all! I also think of dinner at Ruth’s Chris with Blake, girls’ trips with my sisters, Sheri’s visits, lunch with my daughters, Yahtzee with Larry, Hawaii with Paul and Ana, Alaska with Wayne and Linda, and Mexico with Ray and Linda. Of course, any time the children and grandchildren come over is a celebration. I love getting my nails done, as much for the hour-long visit with Bobbi as for the pretty nails. The same holds true for getting my hair done.
During the lockdowns and social distancing triggered by COVID-19, the biggest loss for me was not toilet paper or canned green beans, but the family Christmas party and all the hugs.
Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.
~Anais Nin
So why do I find it so difficult to work time for nurturing relationships into my schedule? Why do I agonize over spending an evening out when I “should be” exercising, blogging, or other tasks around the house? Why do I argue with myself about whether to call a family member or plop down on the couch in front of the television? Why do I hesitate to go to lunch with my coworkers when there’s a lot on my to-do list? Without exception, when I choose people over the other things demanding my attention, I’m happy with my choice. But the next time the situation comes up, I go through the same tormented decision-making process.
So my current goal for nurturing relationships is a simple one—reach out to someone I care about every day. That might be a phone call, a text message, a visit…any communication with someone I wouldn’t have otherwise connected with that day.
Your turn
- Will you commit to taking an extra step this week to nurture a relationship, perhaps one that has been neglected recently?
- What do you do to make sure you are connecting with people in this crazy hamster-wheel world? Please do share.
Scheduling note
I will be on vacation next week…spending time nurturing relationships in person…so I won’t be blogging. I will return on July 20 with a Summer Bucket List update.
Hi Christie – relationships are at the heart of everything aren’t they? Get them wrong and life just doesn’t feel as sweet. I often waver between wanting time alone and wanting to nurture relationships with others. Having more time since I retired means I can get the balance right – less juggling of time etc. I also have less acquaintances and the family and friends who I really care about are worth every moment I can spend with them.
Enjoy your holiday and time away – I bet you can’t wait!
You said it perfectly, Leanne. Relationships are at the heart of everything. Like you, I also need a balance between alone time and time with others. I find I need to be intentional about setting aside time for loved ones or it doesn’t happen. In the moment, my tendency is towards alone time. If I put something on the calendar or my to do list, I’m more apt to make the human connection. I am looking forward to my time away…first a couple of days with my sisters and then a week with some of the grandchildren!
Dear Christie:
Corinthians is one of my favourite books, mostly I suppose, because I love St. Paul’s wisdom. Like most folk, this passage was part of our wedding ceremony and rereading it brought back so many wonderful memories of that day (37 years ago this month). Thank you for the trip down memory lane!
Three years ago, one of my dearest Arts and Letter friends moved to Texas with her husband who is now a professor at Texas A&M. Before she left we promised to call, e-mail and text regularly, and we did, for a while, but then the time between those communications got wider and wider. We also promised to visit each other and that hasn’t happened which makes me very sad.
After reading “Your Turn” this morning, I wrote a really long e-mail (probably way too long) to her, including my phone number and begging her to either write or call when she received my note. I know she is very lonely. I know that for a woman from a farm in rural Ontario, the big city of College Station was very overwhelming – all the people, all the cars, all the bustle and all the noise. I’ve felt badly for neglecting my friend but thanks to you, I have tried to remedy my oversight. Fingers crossed that I’m not too late!
Quick question please, Christie: Would you mind if I put a link to your post on my blog site? It is one of the most thought-provoking and well-written blog posts I’ve ever read and I know many of my friends, family members and subscribers would thoroughly enjoy reading it too. If you’d rather I don’t, no worries; I’ll not post it without your prior permission!
Thank you so much Christie. Definitely today’s sweet happy!
Love, Pam. xx
Thank you for these kind words, Pam. I am so pleased if my post helped you reconnect with a friend. It’s easy to let those connections slip away when life takes us different directions. Of course, you may link to my blog. I appreciate your wanting to share this post and look forward to the chance of connecting with some of your friends and subscribers. Your comment is my “sweet happy” for the day. Thank you.
That Max Lucado is a wise old bird. He hit the nail on the head. I look about my den, all the stuff in every corner and on every flat surface. None of it compares to a hug from my granddaughters or watching PC play the baseball he loves. Or spending time with my Mom. Embarrassed to say that lately my sweet husband has gotten the short end of the stick when it comes to my attention. I commit to nurturing that relationship a bit better this week.
Enjoy your vacation. Hope you make many precious memories.
I love that quote, Leslie. As you say, it hits the nail on the head. I am really looking forward to taking time off work and being with family this week and nurturing those relationships, including my husband. It is easy to let your attention shift away from those who are closest to you…afterall, they’ll always be there, right? At least that’s the way it feels. Of course, we’ve lived long enough to know that’s not true. Savor the moments. Enjoy your week and your PC!
It’s difficult to know how to connect with people anymore. Between the covid restrictions/vaccination disagreements and the hateful politics, I find getting together with anyone *fraught with peril*, as they used to say. We’re trying to see a few people socially now, but these pandemic months have shown me who some people really are. Going forward I’ll be more reserved about who I social with and for how long. Staying physically and emotionally safe is key.
I can relate to that Ally. It certainly is challenging navigating relationships in the current atmosphere. I also had to let a few people go. I am focusing my efforts on nurturing relationships with loved ones at this point. I also enjoy making brief friendly connections with the people that serve me in stores, restaurants, etc. I had lunch with some of the ladies from work yesterday and it was so enjoyable. We talked about favorite foods, vacations spots, and other lighter topics. We didn’t solve any of the world’s problems, but we shared a little joy for an hour. Stay safe and love those few special people!
Squee! After a chaotic couple of days, I’ve just finished reading all my messages and there was one from Rosie. She answered my e-mail!!! Now our neglected relationship is being nurtured – by both of us – and I couldn’t possibly be happier. Thank you Christie! xx
Oh Pam, that’s such great news! I can’t tell you how happy this makes me. Thank you for letting me know.
Hi, Christie – I wholeheartedly agree that the greatest gift is love. I also believe that the meaning of life is relationships.
Enjoy your vacation! 😀
Thanks Donna! We are having a wonderful time, enjoying each other’s company. Right now the girls are asleep, following a long day at the pool yesterday, and Larry’s putting up an awning, so I couldn’t resist checking in. Relationships are definitely what it’s all about.