Relationships don’t break by going far, neither do they grow by staying close. It’s pretty complex to understand, yet so simple when we keep in touch.
When I first started this blog, it was with the purpose of figuring out what I want to do with this next phase of my life. It’s a year later, and I haven’t really figured that out. But one thing I know for sure, I definitely want to spend more time with my loved ones. If this past year taught me anything, it taught me that time is precious; the people you love, and life as you now know it, can be gone in an instant. There’s no time to waste—love them, appreciate them, give them your time now.
Of course, as with everything else, that’s easier said than done. You have to go to work, buy the groceries, clean the house, eat your meals, exercise, take care of the dog (or the kids, or the parents…). And you’re tired, so tired by the end of the day.
How do you stay in touch with your extended family and loved ones when life gets in the way? My niece, Liz, asked me to blog on this topic, and it’s a good one for me—not because I have the answer, but because I need the answer. I’m hoping you’ll help me figure it out.
Let’s start by asking ourselves what is working? When you feel connected to your family and friends, when you are spending time with them, what’s happening that made that possible?
For me (and I hate to admit this), it’s often that someone else took the initiative to set something up—a barbecue at my sister’s house, Sunday dinner at my daughter’s, a grandchild’s birthday party, an invitation from a friend to meet for lunch.
But I am teachable; I’ve taken my cue from them and started scheduling more get-togethers of my own. I find if there’s something on the calendar, I will see it through. If I just say, “I’m going to visit Mom this week,” or “We should get together more often,” that’s not going to happen. But if I invite my daughter to lunch on Monday, or ask my niece, “What night can we come visit?,” then I follow through. My schedule did not get any less busy, but time with loved ones was incorporated into my calendar and became an integral part of that schedule.
Years ago, Larry and I bought season passes to Desert Star Theatre. We schedule the dates for the entire year at the time we buy the tickets, and guess what, we always go. We’ve been saying, “We need to go golfing again sometime” for three years. It hasn’t happened yet. I have a monthly date with my mom to go to AquaVie Day Spa and dinner. I may not visit as often as I’d like in between, but we never miss our monthly date.
So maybe that’s my best tip, at the beginning of the month, pull out your calendar and schedule a few events with the people you care about. If they live far away, and a trip is not feasible, schedule a phone call or FaceTime. Then treat it like you would any other important meeting; move heaven and earth to be there.
What tips do you have for staying in touch with family and friends, especially as those families expand and disperse? This isn’t just for me; it’s for Liz, so please help us!
This post linked to the GRAND Social.
Christie is an author and professional communicator who blogs about life transitions, wellness, mindfulness, and anything else that answers the question “So what? Now what?”
One thing that helps out a lot is our “write on calendar ” on the wall in our kitchen . Not only is the calendar represented by a great company
(Mohawk Inc) but is visible and in our view 24/7. If someone should call and ask if we can watch grandkids pick up grandkids on a certain day, all we do is look and if it’s clear and nothing is written on it then we write it on the calendar and we check it every day all the time . 9 out of 10 times we can run off this calendar and schedule whatever is necessary .
Also, we never erase so we can always look back and say yes we did this that day or no we didn’t and it’s a great help for past reference as well.
Still need to take the time to make the time but this is one thing that helps us keep the times we schedule.
Good point. We each have our mobile device calendars, but having the written year-at-a-glance is a lifesaver.
You do a better job than most people I know of staying in touch with lots of people, even if it’s simply messaging. Any tips to share on how you manage that?
I love this! It’s a great idea to actually schedule something. I often don’t follow through when it’s just left as a good intention. We just Skyped with Seth this past weekend, but we hadn’t talked with him since shortly after Eloise was born! That’s crazy! And we casually talked about when we could do it again, but I’m going to text him and schedule another one.
Thanks for doing your blog post on this. I’ll have to check back to see more suggestions!
Love you!
Thanks Liz. When you talk to Seth again, give him my love! Or better yet, I should take my own advice and reach out to him. 🙂
I’ll send him your love either way. :-*
I know you influenced Mark because after he read this he sat down and emailed his aunt and cousin that he rarely talks to. Like you said, making an effort is key. And once you do you’re always glad you did!
That makes my heart happy. I’m glad if I could help people connect in some small way. I love that we have our monthly dinner and annual girls trip. And then there’s texting! 🙂 Do you have any tips for staying in touch? You seem to do such a good job of it.
I sometimes send little “I love you” or “I’m thinking of you” texts. A friend of mine shared that when far from those he loves, quickly sharing little things during the day allows for frequent interaction, and so he never feels a need to “catch up.”
I love both of these suggestions, and I especially love being on the receiving end of your “thinking of you” texts. Thank you for taking the time to do that!
I absolutely agree with you- for myself anyway if it isn’t on the schedule, on the calendar or on the to do list it just doesn’t get done!