Let’s get engaged!
I’m no psychic. I have no special powers of discernment. Still on occasion the Universe speaks to me. I believe it speaks to each of us. It’s just that sometimes we aren’t paying attention. And who could blame us? This world is full of distractions. We have places to be, things to do, people to see.
Lucky for me, this week I happened to be listening, thanks in part to my word of the year: connected. As part of my effort to be more connected, I have been focusing on being mindful…as in connected to this moment…and being connected to my authentic self. In addition, since I announced my retirement, I have been thinking more about what I want to do with my new-found freedom.
So, it was in that mindset that I was reading blogs recently, and amidst all the thoughtful words, this statement by Pat Doyle at Retirement Transition really grabbed me (emphasis mine):
- I want to appreciate the movement of my body, have new experiences, and do things I want/love to do (engagement not mastery).
And this from Leanne at Cresting the Hill:
- If we allow ourselves to walk the path and not try to rush towards the finish line too quickly, we start to appreciate all the little happenings along the way and how they work together to prepare us for the next stage of the journey.
I started asking myself how much of my time and energy are spent focused on achieving some task or mastering a skill versus being truly engaged in the process itself…the doing? Am I walking the path or rushing towards the finish line?
For example, right now, I am writing. Of course, I want to accomplish something: write a blog post that you will find informative or entertaining…both, if I am lucky. I will no doubt edit this simple post multiple times, trying to master the message. But, am I engaged in the process? Am I enjoying the writing experience? If no one ever reads these words, did I enjoy writing them?
Later today, I will go to Orangetheory Fitness and work out. The ultimate goal is to strengthen my body and improve my fitness, but what about the experience? Can I tune into my body and truly engage in the movement for the movement’s sake, without regard for any outcome? If it turns out the experts got it wrong and these workouts aren’t beneficial after all…or my body gives up the ghost during the night…did I enjoy the precious hour I spent at the gym?
I understand that not every experience will be enjoyable. I haven’t found a way to enjoy going to the dentist, getting a mammogram, or scrubbing a toilet. I may even choose to disengage…or take my mind elsewhere…during these necessary evils.
What I’m talking about is not getting so caught up in outcomes or accomplishments that we forget to engage in the doing, or we pass up opportunities for new experiences, because they aren’t likely to result in mastery or accomplishment.
Like Pat, I want to appreciate the movement of my body, have new experiences, and do things I want to do, just because I want to do them, not because I might be good at them or I might master a new skill or accomplish a goal.
Like Leanne, I want to intentionally walk the path and appreciate all the little happenings along the way.
The joy is in the journey.
Your turn
- Is there something you’re not “good” at, but you do it anyway because it’s fun?
- When was the last time you did something just for the fun of it?
- What else is on your mind? Anything at all…I just love to hear from you.
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Oh Christie thanks so much for the shout out xxx I’m so glad you’re thinking about how you’re going to head into this next phase of life. I think stepping out of the rat race has really made me aware of how much of my life was tied into my job or trying to do as much as possible in my spare time. Now I have so much more time to myself I’ve really appreciated being able to slow down and decide what I want to keep and what I want to discard – and to allow myself to enjoy simple things that I would have seen as ‘time wasting’ when I was working.
I’ve been loving doing my collages and they have no purpose at all – except that I find them creative and fun – and that’s all the reason I need to keep doing them for now. I’ve also had to adjust my exercise regime (my daily walking etc) because I’ve worn out my hip – I miss my meanders around the neighbourhood, but I also love that I got to do them for that time period – and now I get to replace them with an alternative. Flexibility and freedom and fun are all part of my life now and I’m grateful for that every single day. You’re going to love being engaged in this new lifestyle too xxx
You’re welcome, Leanne. Your post Strolling Along Life’s Pleasant Paths came at a perfect time for me and was an important reminder that my retirement life doesn’t have to be about reaching destinations or checking things off the list, but more about exploring and experiencing. I am looking forward to stepping away from the need to achieve every day. I love that you create your collages for the joy of doing them. That’s the kind of thing I’m hoping to discover for myself. I’m sorry about your hip, but glad you are looking at alternatives. Putting that flexibility into practice. Enjoy!
Christie, I interpret ‘engagement’ as passion and I bring that energy to anything that matters to me. I have never set mastery as a goal for anything and I can’t imagine the discipline a singular pursuit would require. I admire anyone who has that kind of focus, but that’s not me. I am happy to do a variety of things well, but not great. The process of learning something new is very satisfying. Getting better at a few things is just icing on the cake.
What a wonderful attitude to life, Suzanne. Passion and a love for learning make every day an adventure.
Christie, Thanks so much for the shout out! Being a “destination girl” for most of my life, it takes intention and patience to learn to enjoy the journey. I’ve lost track of the “it’s the journey, not the destination” items my husband has given me through the years – bracelets, T-shirts, stickers. When I started to think about it as “engagement not mastery” I was able to start doing more creative things (crafting mostly) and try new activities without feeling the need to commit to mastery/achievement. Yes, even when I was doing OTF (for a few months pre-Covid!), it was more about engaging in the activity and not trying to achieve any goals – hard to do there because the whole system is set up to achieve goals….maybe that’s why I’ve not been compelled to return! But i still struggle (too often) with destination versus journey elements…. it will take time to let go of that outcome mindset (if you decide you really want to).
You are welcome, Pat. That phrase I quoted inspired this blog post. I too have been focused on the destination for much of my life. The last few years, I have actively worked at cultivating mindfulness and an appreciation for the journey. I love that your husband has been gifting you with reminders over the years. That makes me smile. My hope is to be able to find some things that I enjoy solely for the doing, but also to incorporate a greater appreciation and attention to the journey even in the areas where I am working towards a goal.
Hi, Christie – I also agree that the joy is in the journey. Still, like many, I need the reminder of this. Thank you!
You are most welcome, Donna. Enjoy today’s journey!
I’m not good at putting together beautiful outdoor pots with plants and flowers. Mine always look off-balance but I try anyway.
The last thing I did just for the fun of it was make myself a proper pot of tea and pretend that I was in England having afternoon tea. Pure silliness.
I missed your post last week announcing your impending retirement. Congrats!
Your talk of outdoor plants and flowers makes me wish for spring, which officially arrives next week. I hope Mother Nature is onboard with that. And yes to your own personal tea party!
Thank you for the retirement congrats. I am looking forward to the freedom and flexibility to try new things and do old favorites on my own schedule.
Himself is a military historian so enjoys military shows. I am not, yet I know more about guns & tanks that I ever cared to. But the way I enjoy the experience is to take my camera. I enjoy photography and I’m getting better – if very slowly. I’m not bothered about the results at those events because I’m using them as a learning experience, and getting in to the process. I’ve heard other photographers describe it as mindful photography and that resonates.
It’s the same with writing. I write because I love doing it, and I enjoy the learning experience. I’m continually learning about coaching and psychology, and can’t imagine ever giving that up, even if I stop practising. It’s such a fascinating subject, and I don’t think it’s possible to ever completely master it.
When I walk, my mind wanders – it’s my “mental health” time as a friend described it. But I try to remember to start by walking mindfully – focusing on the process in the way I was taught by a physiotherapist. It both calms me and ensures that I walk properly for the remainder. I realise I’ve not done this of late, so thanks for the reminder Christie.
That’s great that you found a way to enjoy your partner’s hobby in your own way and that you have other activities of your own that you are truly engaged in. I love the idea of starting your walk mindfully and then just letting your mind go on its own little journey. I’ve wanted to try walking meditation, maybe in a labyrinth.
I do lots of things I’m not great at, but I enjoy. I like both crossword and jigsaw puzzles-but not super hard ones. I prefer a puzzle between 500 and 700 pieces, and I would never do a crossword in pen. (Sometimes I cheat!) I was a little embarrassed about this, but maybe it’s ok just because I think it’s fun! Also I’m not the fastest runner/walker, but love to do it. And I love to put pen to paper, especially colored pens. I’m not an author, but I literally like to “write”-and my penmanship is not good. But thanks for reminding me that’s ok!
I’m with you on the jigsaw puzzles, Cindy. I enjoy them, but not if they are too hard. And I agree, if you need a little “hint” (as I call it) when you are working on a difficult crossword or Sudoku puzzle, and you are only doing it for fun, then what’s the harm? One of the things I love about our girls trips is the fact that we have several days where we pretty much just relax and have fun, whatever we do.
I’ve often called myself a Jan of many trades and master of few. I love variety, newness, and spontaneity. I also love to get into a zone — present in the moment – especially when I cook. I happen to enjoy the dentist (perhaps because I had a crush on my earliest dentist of memory). As for the mammogram – I try to make it a moment of gratitude for my health – and the miracle of the machine that can save so many lives. Toilet cleaning – I don’t mind and try to appreciate the shine and clean smell when I’m finished. I guess I try to make the best of it. Anyway – wishing you joy on your journey!
You have a great attitude toward some “unpleasant” tasks, Janet. I must admit, while I don’t like being at the dentist, I love the clean look and feel of my teeth afterward. I recently had my mammogram, and I was grateful for how personable and professional the technician was and the efficiency. I was in and out of there is less than 30 minutes. I do love a clean house, but I’m happy to provide a job for someone else to clean it. 🙂
Ah yes – if we can provide a job for someone else that’s a plus! No one can go to the dentist or get a mammogram FOR us! LOL.
Sad, but true.