The We Do Not Care movement…and what we do care about
If you’re a woman of a certain age and you’ve been on social media recently, you know what the WDNC Club is and that this sisterhood was started by Melani Sanders (@justbeingmelani). If you haven’t heard of WDNC or Melani, here’s a Woman’s World article to give you some background.
The club is geared toward women going through perimenopause and menopause, and the club motto is “We do not care anymore because, well, we are tired.”
My 5 favorite club notices
We do not care…
- if we put on a pair of leggings and a graphic tee. We are dressed for the day, we’re ready for bed, and possibly dressed for tomorrow.
- how long it’s been since we pulled out the stove or fridge to clean behind them. We do not use the space behind them.
- if you want us to go somewhere last minute. Once the bra comes off, forget about it.
- about summer bodies. Summer is getting the same body as every other season.
- if our arms look fat in this top. Our arms are fat, and they are hot, so we’re wearing the top.
What we do care about
Lest you think that the WDNC Club is about giving up and not caring about anything, it’s not. We are simply conserving our time and emotional energy for things we do care about. So here are some things (corresponding to the list above) that I do care about in this phase of life.
I do care…
- if my clothes are comfortable and conducive to the activities I enjoy doing and that I feel confident in them.
- if my home is welcoming, pleasant to be in, and healthy…and still having the energy to enjoy myself and my guests.
- about spending time out with friends and extended family, and also about reserving quiet time to be at home alone and with my husband.
- about being healthy and fit to ensure that I can enjoy independence and the joys of this earth for as long as possible and in every season.
- about appreciating my body and treating it with kindness and respect, which includes making it comfortable.
Your turn
- What is something you just do not care about anymore?
- What is something you care more about now than you did when you were younger?
- What else is on your mind? Anything at all; I just love to hear from you.
Hi,
I’ve caught a couple of Melanie’s announcement videos and they usually make me smile. I’m not sure I have any favorites, but I have realized I do wear things more about comfort than style. And in Florida, yes I regularly wear no-sleeves even though my arms have wings. I also don’t care if my house is messy; I gave up on that with accepting a hoarding hubby.
I really liked how you played your do care off each do not care.
Yes, Pat, comfort rules for me too at this point of life. If I can look good and comfortable…great. But if I have to choose or make compromises, I err on the side of comfort. My husband also likes to collect things and create paper piles. I’ve tried to become more accepting, but if I’m honest, I still get a little anxious about it at times.
I hadn’t seen the one about the arms. That is so me – took me a while to get there. Ha! I love her so much. She nails it.
I care more about shutting down rude people and standing up for others. I think I was not confident enough before and now I’m just ‘that’s not on!’ and take the pressure off them to defend themselves. #WWWhimsy
I love that you stand up for people Lydia and that you have gained confidence over time. There are definitely benefits to having lived long enough to gain experience, wisdom, and confidence.
Hi Christie – I’ve seen a couple of her reels come up on FB or youtube – I didn’t realize she was such a big deal. I think I haven’t chased up more because she’s still a bit in the reactionary phase of life and I feel like I’ve moved to the acceptance phase – I’m all about “you do you boo” these days while I get on with my own quiet life. That being said, I remember my 50’s being a similar wake-up call where I took back some of my “power” and pushed back against expectations etc. It’s nice to be in the next season….
You make a good point, Leanne. While I agree with much of what Melani says, I don’t need to shout it from the rooftops. I’m okay with just being me and doing my thing. There is definitely a phase during this transition to acceptance, though, that it is beneficial to speak up and push back.
I must admit Christie that I haven’t heard of this movement but I love it so much. Your post made me smile. These days I don’t put any energy into caring what others think of me.I’m happily me and that’s all that matters to me. I spent too much energy worrying bout others opinions when I was younger and it’s exhausting. What I’ve learned over the years is that mostly, other people aren’t thinking anything about us. We are all to busy thinking and worrying about ourselves. Great post! #TeamWWWhimsy
I love that you are happily you, Jen. Like you, I spent a lot of years people pleasing and worrying about others’ perceptions of me. Those days are over, and I am happier for it.
I didn’t realize it was an actual club or account. I have seen several posts on Facebook, though, and they always make me chuckle. I do not care if my furniture is dusty, but I do care that family and friends come over to visit (even if they can write their names in the dust). I do not care if people think I don’t dress “for my age,” but I do care about feeling fabulous in what I’m wearing! I just followed her on Instagram. Thanks for letting me know about this!
https://marshainthemiddle.com/
I’ve not heard of her or this movement but I also understand the intent. It’s so hard, at time,s being a woman of a certain age/stage and we need to cut ourselves some slack!
Cheers
Denyse x
Yes, Denyse, if we don’t care for ourselves, who will? Many of us spend our lives up until this point caring for others. Now is our time to focus on our own needs.
You are welcome, Marsha. I do enjoy Melani’s posts. Some hit home, and others just make me laugh. You keep dressing in a way that makes you feel fabulous! And though you don’t need my approval, I can’t resist telling you that I too think you look fabulous.
I definitely think I care way more about my health, exercise, foods, etc. than I ever did before. I most certainly want to be as healthy as I can be for as long as I can be.
Yes, Joanne. I’m with you in caring more about taking care of my body and soul in this stage of life.
Hi Christie – yes I’m aware of the ‘We Do Not Care’ movement. Shelly Horton is our Australian representative. She posts a collection of ‘we do not care’s’ on behalf of Australian women every now and then on Instagram. I do not care if I’m not fashionable, so long as I am comfortable! Thanks for sharing and linking up with #WWWhimsy xo
It’s pretty amazing how quickly this movement has spread around the world, Min. She definitely struck a chord. I agree with you about comfort over fashion. When I find something that fits both, that’s a win-win!
Great post Christie. Sometimes I laugh out loud at the “we do not care” posts. I can’t say I am as carefree as she is, but I aim to be. I’m a much stronger self-advocate than I ever was in my younger years, but I’m still a work in progress.
Thanks Cindy. I’m not quite as carefree as that either, but I love the sentiment, and I am definitely less concerned with appearances than I used to be. We are all works in progress, aren’t we? That just means we continue to improve with age, just like fine wine.
I’d not come across this movement before Christie, but I totally get it!
What I no longer care about anymore is fighting the good fight when my life is overburdened. When I’m carrying less stress, I’ll get back in the battle. Until then, the block and delete button are my friends.
What I do care about more than when I was younger is finding comfortable shoes that don’t look ugly.
Brava Debs! You have to put yourself first and build up your reserves before you can, as you say, get back in the battle. And I love your description of finding comfortable shoes that don’t look ugly. It’s not that we have given up on fashion altogether. It’s just that we’ve switched the priority order to give more weight to how things feel than how they look.