What is the difference between praise and affirmation?
Praise and affirmation are both ways of expressing approval, but there are some subtle differences.
While praise often honors an action or a physical attribute, affirmation reflects upon a positive aspect of a person’s character. Praise is conditional and something that can be withdrawn, while affirmation is like shining a light on something inherent to the person.
Let’s look at some examples.
Praise: You aced that test; you’re so smart.
Affirmation: It looks like you put a lot of thought and effort preparing for that exam.
Praise: You did a wonderful job on that paper.
Affirmation: I can see the careful thought that went into your paper.
Praise: Good job running a marathon!
Affirmation: That took perseverance and courage.
Praise: You are so popular.
Affirmation: I appreciate how kind you are to others.
Which is better, praise or affirmation?
There is nothing wrong with the occasional praise, especially for big achievements, such as graduation. However, continuous praise can lead to striving for external approval and a belief that worth is reliant upon accomplishment. Affirmation is a recognition of a person’s internal strengths and characteristics, which tends to build self-esteem and a belief in one’s inherent worth.
Your turn
- This was a new concept for me. Have you learned something new recently that you’d like to share with us?
- What else is on your mind? Anything at all; I just love to hear from you.
Sources:
https://playerdevelopmentproject.com/praise-vs-affirmation/
https://www.multco.us/assertive-engagement/why-praise-when-you-can-affirm#:~:text=Unlike%20praise%2C%20the%20source%20of,efficacy%20toward%20their%20desired%20goals.
https://www.littlewithgreatlove.com/affirmation-vs-praise-there-is-a-big-difference/
Image by Leopold Böttcher from Pixabay
Very new to me too. I liked learning about that from you. I will go into that link later.
I came directly to comment as I am now part of Min’s Team WWWhimsy and the link wouldn’t open.
It says something like ‘won’t connect’ to christiehawkes.com
I know I let you know before. It’s annoying for you too…sorry.
Take care,
Denyse.
#TeamWWWhimsy
Thank you for taking the extra step to connect with me directly. I am stymied on the sudden inability to be reached through InLinkz. Thanks also for your contribution of the #WWWhimsy team!
Hi Christie – this is such an interesting concept and I think parents have gone from one extreme to the other – from very little affirmation (back in my childhood) to overly praising and overly rewarding children today. Affirmation is the sweet spot in between where we recognize effort and acknowledge it and encourage others to be their best without all the attention seeking that has become the norm in the world today.
What I’ve been learning lately is the idea of being comfortable with being in uncomfortable situations – we can’t make everything in life smooth, and sometimes we have to be okay with things not being as okay as we’d like them to be – it’s a hard one for me….
Hello Leanne. It does seem parenting seems to swing back and forth on the continuum of praise. I do believe if we focus more on affirmation and a growth mindset that honors effort and learning, it’s a step in the right direction.
I admire the progress you are making on being comfortable with uncomfortable situations. We cannot avoid uncomfortable situations, nor should we try to, or we are likely to lose ourselves in the process of trying to smooth everything over all the time and not rock the boat.
A thought provoking post thanks Christie. I think I’d prefer affirmation as it says more about my character. I do wonder if we’ve gone too far with praise over affirmation, especially with children. I’d hate to think they felt their purpose only depended on their accomplishments rather than what they have inside of them to offer the world. Interesting! #Teamwwwhimsy
I’m glad you enjoyed the post, Deb. I agree that affirmation is preferable. Perhaps we default to praise because it is easier, and also society’s tendency to value action and busyness.
I’ve never thought about this distinction before and it makes sense to me. I know that I’ve often bristled at praise, but couldn’t figure why. Now I get it, praise is conditional. I want affirmation please, shine a light on something inherently good in me.
I hadn’t thought about the distinction either, Ally, until it came up in the coaching course I am taking. I appreciate your insight on why praise sometimes doesn’t sit well with you. It is interesting to consider.
I have heard of something similar to this concept from working with children. We’ve discussed this in workshops before. It’s important to recognize children’s strengths and talents, rather than just accomplishments. Not everyone is capable of the A+, but everyone is able to try hard and do their best. It helps your self esteem if you feel capable. We want kids (and adults) to feel good about who they are inside. Along with this, I think it’s important to compliment kids on their accomplishment’s rather than appearance or clothing etc.
Well said, Cindy. Those children are lucky to have you! (That may be praise, but it is well-earned.) 😁
Hi Christie, such a thought provoking post! I think a bit of both are good for us but I think praise is given much more often than affirmations. We could all do with a little more of that one I think. Thanks so much for linking up with #WWWhimsy – have a wonderful weekend! xo
Thank you, Min. I agree a combination of praise and affirmation is nice…heavy on the affirmation.