A letter to my 40-year-old self
My youngest daughter turns 40 this year. First of all, how did that happen? I can’t possibly be old enough to have children in their 40s!
Anyway, back to the topic at hand. As Ashley prepares for this milestone, she is asking for advice…things we wished we had known when we were 40. Since I’ve been on a letter-writing kick lately, I thought I’d approach this request in the form of a letter to my 40-year-old self. Hopefully, she can glean something from that.
Dear Christie,
First of all, congratulations on surviving those tricky first 40 years of life. What, with puberty, teenage angst, moving out, childbirth, raising teenagers…that is no small feat! Savor that accomplishment for a moment.
I know you’re shocked that you are 40 already, and believe me the next decades go by just as quick, so please slow down a little and savor the present moment. As Dr. Lee Lipsenthal says, “Enjoy every sandwich,” or cup of coffee, or beautiful song…you get the idea. Happiness is found in the small joyful moments as much, or more than, the big exciting ones.
And, of course, you’ve already discovered that it isn’t all rainbows and unicorns. Life is hard. Try to remember that those challenging, uncomfortable periods are as much a part of life as the enjoyable ones. Those hard times are the parts where most of your growth takes place…and you are going to learn a lot. It’s okay to be scared, or sad, or angry sometimes. Emotions aren’t good or bad…they just are. Feel them all without guilt.
And while we are on the subject of hard things, know this…you are so much stronger than you think. Please trust yourself to find your way through, over, or around those dark times. You have what it takes. Life will throw things at you that you never expected…things that will temporarily stop you in your tracks…but you will regroup and carry on…and you will survive. Not only will you survive, but you will be happy again. You can even find little nuggets of joy in the midst of those most difficult times, if you remember to look for them.
Okay, so that’s enough deep philosophical stuff for now. I also have a few practical tips:
- Take care of your body, with a focus on building strength, flexibility, and balance. Those are the things that will help you maintain your independence and ability to enjoy life to its fullest for the longest amount of time. And, by the way, appreciate the amazing things your body does for you, and cut it a little slack on appearances. There will come a day when you wish you had that 40-year-old body back. Enjoy it now.
- Make commitments thoughtfully, and then honor them. You don’t have to say “yes” to everything, but once you do, do your best to follow through. And when faced with a decision as to how to spend your time, once you choose, commit to that and be fully present. You can cause yourself a lot of anxiety…and miss out on a lot of fun…by feeling guilty about (or second guessing) the path you didn’t take.
- Take time to cultivate relationships. The people in your life matter more than anything else. Be generous with your time, your attention, and your love. And when you inevitably lose someone you care for, and the missing hurts, take comfort in the fact that you were blessed to have loved deep enough to miss them like that.
I could go on and on (after all, you do go on to create a blog full of unsolicited advice), but you’ll figure it out. Listen to your gut. And remember, your older wiser self has faith in you.
Love,
Your 62-year-old self
Your turn
- What do you wish you had known at 40? (If you’re not yet 40, what would you tell your self from 10 years ago?)
- What’s the best piece of advice you received from your parents?
- What else is on your mind? Anything at all; I just love to hear from you.
Image by Margarita Kochneva from Pixabay
What I’d tell myself is “stop worrying so much” that worry changes nothing, that things will be fine and you won’t be living under a bridge eating catfood in your retirement (yes that was one of my concerns!) I’d say (like you) enjoy the moments, that you’ll never be this young again and your kids won’t be home forever. Relax, do the work, find time to rest, and be kinder to yourself – you’re doing the best you can and it will all work out better than you expected.
Loved your letter and it held a lot of truths. Happy birthday to your daughter and I can’t believe you have kids in their 40’s either! Merry Christmas!
That’s good advice, Leanne, even for the stage of life we are in now. When I start to worry about the future and aging, I remind myself that I’m doing what I can to prepare for it, and what will be will be. Worrying won’t help. Merry Christmas to you and yours!
I would tell myself to be nice to my body and look after it a tad better, I’d also say Mum was right about joints and sitting in w position on the floor.
Mum was right about a lot of things, wasn’t she, Joanne? And I agree with being nicer to our bodies…back then and now.
I love this so much Mom!! Thank you 💜💜
You are welcome, my daughter. Thank you for inspiring me to write this. Also, I hope you will come back and read future comments. My blogging friends always have such great insight. I love you. XO
I love your advice to yourself. I wonder if you would have listened to it at 40. I would have probably been too busy to take too much notice, but I’ve been here thinking about life would have been like had you taken that advice. I would have advised myself that I was enough and there was no need to worry about what others thought of me.
You are probably right, Jennifer. I may not have been in a place to accept all this great advice from myself. Hopefully, our children learn from us, as we learned from our parents. And thank you for that great piece of advice. I still remind myself that I am enough even now, but I definitely struggled more with worrying about what others thought of me 20 years ago.
Hi Christie, my daughter is 43 next year and my son just turned 41 so I hear you that ‘how could they be that age already?’ For me, I think I would just advise that you are enough, you are unique and those unique qualities should be celebrated rather than seen as negatives. I do think though, that our generation has learned from our mistakes and our daughters (and sons) can benefit from our hindsight. #WWWhimsey
Hello Sue. Our children are very close in age. I have two daughters, turning 40 and 43 this spring. I wholeheartedly agree with your advice. Our unique qualities should be celebrated. I like to think that each generation learns a little more from the previous one. I know I’ve learned from my children as well.
Hi Christie, Happy 40th Birthday to your daughter! I really enjoyed reading this letter to your 40 year old self. I think your daughter will learn a lot from it. I would tell myself all the same things but also to be much kinder to myself. I’ve always been such a dreadful self critic. Thanks for linking up wth #WWWhimsy – hope to see you again next week for the last linkup of 2023! xo
Yes, I agree Min. We could all stand to be kinder to ourselves, especially those who tend to be self-critical. Thanks again for hosting #WWWhimsy!
This is a lovely letter to your younger self Christie, and so full of truths about life being hard and finding the joy when you look for them at times. My daughter turned 40 earlier this year and it’s such a strange thing when I don’t feel old enough! I have just turned 63 and would tell my younger self to stand up for herself more.
Thank you for those kind words, Debbie. And I agree about the need to stand up for ourselves. Yet another important life lesson.
Hi Christy. I’m so glad that we have reconnected and I really enjoyed reading the letter to your 40 year old self. My letter would tell myself to communicate better with my children. It matters so much, now, as it did then. I have two children, who are now in their 30,s, and one who is in her 40,s. There has been plenty of good things that have happened in my life, and marrying my husband, 40 years ago, was one of the best things I ever did. Your daughter sounds lovely. Happy birthday to her. Marry Christmas to you and your family. I look forward to reading more of your posts in the coming year.
Thank you, Christina. I am also glad we have reconnected and look forward to the coming year together. Thanks for the great advice. Communication is so critical for all of our relationships and especially with our children, both when they are young and as adults. Merry Christmas to you and yours!
My advice to my 40 year old self would be – listen to the advice you are being given! I was told back then to “get a life” and not focus so much on working. I put everything to the side for work (exercise, hobby development, volunteering, relationships) and was often encouraged to not do that, but I still did. I was a critical, cynical, pessimistic workaholic. Many people tried to advise me back then, but I never listened. Would I listen to my 63 year old self? I’m not sure! I’ve learned in the past few years to live life, to enjoy the moments, to practice positivity, and to keep the body moving. Better late than never!
Good point, Pat. There are so many things we can learn from those around us, if we are willing to listen. Work is important, but is not the only thing…or even the most important. Like you, I’m not sure if I would have listened to my own advice back then, but I’m glad that both of us have grown and learned over the years. As you said, better late than never…and better now than 20 years from now!
A wonderful post Christie. So often we see these letters addressed to our teenage selves when yes my 40 year old self could ideally have done with the benefit of future hindsight too. Your first point on looking after your body resonates with me. I just wish I’d known how much muscle strength and flexibility I’d lose whilst the joint ache increased in those last 10 years at work, leaving me to concentrate on, so far as possible, reversing the decline in retirement. Wise words indeed.
Thank you, Caree. There is so much we can learn at each phase of life. I’m sure there are things I’ll wish I had known in my 60s when I reach my 70s. Did that make sense? Anyway, like you, I am doing my best to appreciate and care for my body now.
What a great post! I would tell my self Good Job so far! Everything is going to be ok. You’ve handled hard things in the past and you will be able to handle them in the future. Remember to be an advacate for yourself. You are lovable and deserve good things. Enjoy all the moments because those moments will add up to be your life.
I love you Ashley-you’ve got this! 🩷
I love your message to yourself, Cindy. Wise words for all of us. XO