Break up with your scale; fall in love with your body
Take your time and your talent and figure out what you have to contribute to this world, and get over what the hell your butt looks like in those jeans! “
America Ferrera
I broke up with my bathroom scale almost a month ago, after a long dysfunctional relationship. Surprisingly, I don’t miss her at all. She was a bully, judging me based on one tiny aspect of who I am.
The scale can only give you a numerical reflection of your relationship with gravity. That’s it. It cannot measure beauty, talent, purpose, life force, possibility, strength, or love.”
Dr. Steve Maraboli
The first time I remember critiquing my body was in fifth grade. I was too tall, and my left rib cage curved out at the bottom (instead of inward, like the more obedient right rib).
By sixth grade, I refocused my attention on a problem that I could actually do something about–my weight. Was I getting fat?
I was in junior high school when I went on my first diet. Yep, I was definitely getting fat.
For young women, I would say, don’t worry so much about your weight. Girls spend way too much time thinking about that, and there are better things…what makes you different or weird, that’s your strength
Meryl Streep
When I graduated from high school, I moved into an apartment with my older sister and her best friend. We started a cycle of dieting and getting ready to diet (read: eating everything in sight like it was the last time we would eat again). Losing weight was exhilarating, but food was pretty darn good too. It was a constant tug of war, and I always proved to be a less-than-worthy dieter.
Somehow despite my body’s aesthetic imperfections, it managed to function reasonably well and was even able to conceive and nurture two healthy babies. Of course, that created more imperfections. Now I could add stretch marks and sagging breasts to my list of woes.
Okay, I can’t blame that on the scale, but my weight remained the one unsatisfactory part of my body that I should be able to control, so most of my angst was centered there.
To be honest, I always assumed I’d grow out of this. Either I would finally reach my perfect weight and sculpt my body into something resembling the magazine models, or I’d reach an age where I didn’t care so much.
By my 57th birthday, neither of those things had happened.
What if you wake up some day, and you’re 65, or 75, and you never got your memoir or novel written; or you didn’t go swimming in warm pools and oceans all those years because your thighs were jiggly and you had a nice big comfortable tummy; or you were just so strung out on perfectionism and people-pleasing that you forgot to have a big juicy creative life, of imagination and radical silliness and staring off into space like when you were a kid? It’s going to break your heart. Don’t let this happen.”
Anne Lamott
To be clear, I was at a healthy weight and more physically fit than I had ever been, but my body still wasn’t Sports-Illustrated-model ready, and I was still obsessing over that number on the scale.
Up a pound, bummed. Down a pound, ecstatic.
I wasn’t depriving myself of foods that I loved, but I wasn’t fully enjoying them either. It was definitely a guilty pleasure. Heavy on the guilt.
You’re a human being. You live once and life is wonderful, so eat the damn red velvet cupcake.”
Emma Stone
Then I read Intuitive Eating, and something clicked. I put the scale and the trackers away and so far I haven’t looked back.
I have an amazing healthy body that carries me around day after day doing all the things I love to do. It allows me to experience every physical sensation this world has to offer–sights, sounds, smells, tastes, touch.
Why have I been so hard on it?
Everybody has a part of her body that she doesn’t like, but I’ve stopped complaining about mine because I don’t want to critique nature’s handiwork… My job is simply to allow the light to shine out of the masterpiece.”
Alfre Woodard
Sure, I want to treat my body well. There is a place for good nutrition and physical activity. But there’s also a place for decadent food that has no other redeeming factor except that it tastes divine. And for sitting back with your feet up doing nothing but taking in the moment.
And for enjoying those experiences without guilt…or explanation…or need to make up for it later.
And there is definitely no place for harsh judgment.
You can’t hate yourself healthy.
Fit Bottomed Girls
So I invite you to join me in this revolution. Break up with your scale. Fall in love with your body.
Happy Monday! Episode 3
And one last thing–if you missed yesterday’s vlog about taking loving kindness on the road, please check it out here. The message can be applied to every day of the week–and you don’t have to be employed outside the home to join this experiment.
Your turn
- How often do you weigh yourself?
- What’s the most outrageous diet you’ve tried? How long did you last?
- What’s your favorite decadent food?
- What else is on your mind? Anything at all. I just love to hear from you.
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Shared on GRAND Social and #MLSTL.
Image by Jill Wellington from Pixabay
I loved this so much! This is definitely a breakup I can support. I weigh myself about once every 10 days. My weight varies only by about 3 pounds, but if I’m being honest I’m always disappointed when I’m at my highest.
It’s crazy how much that number comes to mean–even when the total difference is only three pounds that, of course, no one else can even detect. I am honestly loving the freedom of eating what I want. It makes it much easier to stop when I’m satisfied, knowing nothing is restricted. A few times I’ve been curious about my weight, but I remind myself it really doesn’t matter. I feel healthy and my clothes still fit! 🙂
You know I always heard that it was bad to weigh yourself daily, especially if you were trying to lose weight. The scale will go up and down and it will frustrate you and discourage you making you feel like you’re failing. So, I kept seeing Noom advertised on TV. I got the app and the one thing it tells you to do is weigh yourself daily, first thing every morning!! The app even reminds you to weigh yourself. Still not sure if I think it’s a good idea to do such. Right now I’m weighing myself every other day or so or when I think about it. Would the cabbage diet count as most outrageous?
There is so much conflicting information out there, Dee. That’s part of the challenge. The cabbage diet definitely counts as outrageous! Unless you really, really love cabbage. 🙂
The only way I like cabbage is fried up with onions and corned beef Christie and that recipe is NOT on the cabbage diet 🙂
Now that’s a diet I could get into–if it were one!
Ugh, can I ever relate to this! I have been on every diet known to man. I see results and go back to my old ways only to have the weight return. And more. I definitely see the scale as the enemy and I need to break this pattern as well. Thanks for this wonderful piece. I will share on my sm #MSTL
I know the feeling, Theresa. Right now I’m really focused on listening to my body–honoring my hunger and fullness–and eating mindfully. I also want to appreciate my body more and enjoy my good health.
This is a fabulous post Christie and so much of it resonates with me. I’ve also had that strong love/hate relationship with the scales for my entire life. Until now. The Maxines Challenge isn’t about the scales but until recently I have still been jumping on. I decided that this current challenge would not be about the scales so I haven’t been on them for 6 weeks now. From now on I just plan to go by how my clothes are fitting. And not to stress about that either. I love the quotes you’ve given showing there is more to life than the number on the scales #MLSTL Will share
That’s great, Jennifer. You are so right–there is more to life than the number on the scales. I’m not sure how we all became so obsessed with weight, but I am trying to let it go. To relax and enjoy more.
To weigh or not to weigh – that is the question. There’s research that supports both viewpoints – often using citing the same study as evidence. I think it depends on the individual & how those numbers make you feel. I weigh myself at the same time each week. For me it’s a business as usual ritual that I find keeps me accountable and that is pretty much that. I’m that weird overweight person who truly doesn’t hate herself – and totally agree that you can’t hate yourself healthy. I do, however, have problems with both boundaries and being in touch with my body so have to physically and purposefully do things that ground me and make me aware of my body – and scales are a part of that awareness. I got to this point – 20 kgs overweight – through not being aware. The number doesn’t determine my day and I don’t carry guilt with me to or from the scales, but it is a tool that helps me with both accountability and focus – and that’s all it is.
I’m almost 7 kgs down on my excess baggage project yet truly, and I mean truly, feel no different. The scales tell me my weight has dropped, I know I can (and do) walk further than I could before, but because I wear comfortable fitting clothes or activewear most days my clothes feel much the same. Possibly because (other than carrying too much weight) I was already healthy on the inside, if I was relying on the fit of my clothes or how I feel, I would have given up by now.
While my aim is to lose weight – for both vanity and ease of movement reasons, I’m not aiming for perfection – life’s too short and I can’t really be bothered. Once I’m closer to a healthy weight again I suspect I’ll go back to a monthly weigh in to catch myself before things get too far out of control again.
Great post, by the way.
Good point, Joanne. Each of us is different, and the science is often confusing, so the best course of action is to trust yourself and do what’s best for you. In fact, as much as I cursed the scales in this post, my vanity about weight has probably led me to fitness. Now I love physical activity, but I got in the habit because I was trying to shape my body with exercise. Another point you bring up, I do believe it’s possible to be overweight and fit–or thin and out of shape. Somewhere along the line, the focus got too intense on the weight aspect. Where ever each of us is, I just hope we can learn to love ourselves right now. It’s okay to try to improve, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t worthy just the way we are. You seem to have found that balance. Congratulations.
My darling friend, what touching insight into your battle with learning to love your body. My battle dates back to middle school but it got really intense when I began suffering with anorexia in high school. Before it was even really a ‘thing’.
How often do I weigh? Well since we have been doing Weight Watchers, I weigh more often. But I know my body well enough to know pretty much what I weigh without weighing. Right now, I would say I weigh about once a week.
Most outrageous diet? Anorexia. Not a diet at all. Just not eating.
Most decadent food? Probably chocolate. And ice cream.
Thank you for sharing your personal story, Leslie. I’m so glad you were able to overcome anorexia and come to more healthy terms with food. I attended WW for many years, and in fact, lost 20 pounds that I have kept off for almost 15 years now. So something worked…and stuck. It did teach me about portion size and listening to my body. Also, I like that they focus on the mental and emotional aspects of a healthy relationship with food and eating. I’m hoping I’ve reached a point where I can maintain a healthy lifestyle without so much mental focus on food and weight. We shall see!
This is a tricky one for me Christie. I never had an issue with my weight when I was younger – to quote my doctor, I was always “long and lean”. That changed as my metabolism slowed and I gained a few extra kilos in my 50’s. I thought that stopping with weighing myself would be the answer, but instead it meant that a few more kilos crept on until I was probably 10kilos (20+lbs) over my “happy weight”. So now I’ve gone back to weighing myself once a week at the most and keeping an eye on things as I try to gradually drop a few of those kilos. I’m not a natural athlete, so I need to keep an eye on my steps, eating healthy, and working on not letting any more weight creep onto my waistline – the scales help me monitor things.
PS I loved your Monday reminder about giving other drivers the benefit of the doubt. xx
Thanks for linking up with us at MLSTL and I’ve shared on my SM 🙂
Hello Leanne. Thanks for sharing your experience. I’ve found it so interesting reading everyone’s slightly different journey. I was actually long and lean too through my 20s. I just didn’t think so. Now I look at pictures and think, “Why didn’t I just enjoy that body?” 🙂 I didn’t last as long as you, though. In my mid-30s I started putting on weight. I joined WW, and lost 20 pounds, which I’ve kept off. I just couldn’t seem to mentally let it go. I feel like I am now, that I can relax a little and just enjoy my healthy body. I also believe the mindfulness work I’ve done is helping, in that I am enjoying the moment more–including the food I eat–and not projecting into the future so much. I’m glad you enjoyed the Happy Monday video. I’ve caught myself a few times. It’s definitely a work in progress!
Hi, Christie – “You can’t hate yourself healthy.” That’s so true!
Sounds like a very wise breakup to me!
Thanks Donna. I love that quote–and the Fit Bottomed Girls blog where I lifted it. 🙂
I’ve been on lots of diets in my day – including the cabbage diet! I try now to eat intentionally to fuel my body and I allow myself little treats, but ultimately ask, “Is this good for me or not”. I try not to weigh myself every day, but I keep an eye on things. #MLSTL and Pinned
The cabbage diet seems to have been a popular one, Jo. I never went there, but I remember lots of grapefruit and boiled eggs!
Hi Christie, I was thin and athletic for most of my childhood, twenties and into my thirties. My first real diet happened after giving birth at 35. I used one of those crazy services with pre packaged food delivered to my door. It did work, but I would not recommend that approach. I got a little obsessive in my 40’s and 50’s, with all the body changes and not being able to keep up with exercise. But, I discovered that a diet high in protein and low in carbs works best for me. I eat red meat (in moderation), fish, chicken, lots of veggies and fruits. I still step on the scale from time to time. Especially when the fit of my jeans tells me I need to loose five pounds. That is more the tell-tale sign than a scale for me. Will I ever LOVE my body. NO, but it is the only one I have, so I’ve learned to deal with it as best I can. Visiting from #MLSTL
Hello Suzanne. The packaged food is convenient, but makes it challenging to attend social events or eat out. And then, of course, if you stop with the prepackaged food service, it’s difficult to carry over the success into real world cooking and eating. I’m with you on focusing on lean protein and lots of produce. When I catch myself criticizing parts of my body, I stop and thank it for all the wonderful things it does for me. Sounds cheesy, but it really helps.
Lovely post and comments too, thanks Christie! Yes well no fine (it’s a South African saying) about that blooming scale. A love-hate relationship is what I have with it. Ecstatic when it shows down a kilo and miffed when it shows up … I haven’t tried any radical diet, I like food too much, but I do try to be mindful of what I eat. The weight post babies – a long time ago – definitely is hard to shed. I’ll never be back to pre-baby weight and that is more than ok. I am grateful for reasonable health, my enjoyment of the outdoors etc ..
Yes, Susan, it sounds like we have a similar relationship with the scale. I am happy to hear you say that you are grateful for reasonable health and the ability to enjoy the outdoors. That’s really so much more important than appearance or the number on the scale. Thanks for joining in the conversation.
I weigh myself every morning. I started Keto two weeks ago after reading nothing but rave reviews of rapid weight loss. I was so excited I finally found the diet that might work for me. I lost 5 lbs then I plateaued. I was getting discouraged. What was I doing wrong? Then today I get on the scale and I’m two or three lbs heavier. HOW? I’ve been exercising 45 minutes 4 times a week plus 2 or 3 hours of gardening a day. I just don’t know what I’m doing wrong. How can everyone else lose weight on this diet but me? That’s my story…this month of my life long battle with my weight. 🙂 Visiting from MSTL
I feel your pain, Amy. There have been numerous times in my life when I felt like I was doing everything right, but the scale wouldn’t cooperate. I haven’t done Keto. Most people I know who have either lose a lot initially, but gain it back, or can’t stick with it in the first place. I’ve never been good at staying with any food plan that doesn’t give me freedom to eat out comfortably or indulge on occasion. Dealing with weight, health, and food is a challenge.
Hi Christie, I’m a great believer in ‘ditching the scales’ as they can be soul destroying. In my health coaching I try to encourage women to try on an outfit each week and see if it fits better. I also promote healthy eating and exercise and keeping a positive mindset. Thanks for highlighting an area of weight loss that really needs an overhaul and for sharing at #MLSTL. x
Hello Sue. Feeling comfortable and healthy is a much better indicator of how you are doing than an arbitrary number on the scale. While I’m on a break from all things tracking, I find that I still naturally enjoy my physical activity and eating healthy foods. I admit I’ve had a few more treats (play food, as I like to call it), but in smaller portions, because I know I can always have it again tomorrow if I want to. I hope you are enjoying being back at home and that you are feeling better.
That quote from Alfre Woodard is spot on Christie and I might use it myself if that’s OK. Your post and the comments show us how we would like to be, and hopefully can be once we accept ourselves. Really inspiring post for #mlstl and I’ve shared.
Thanks Deb. I love that quote too. In fact, there were so many really good quotes about accepting our bodies and loving ourselves that I just couldn’t pick one or two. That’s why quotes are sprinkled throughout. Thanks for sharing!
Hi Christie, great post, and I love the quotes! I haven’t totally ditched the scale at this point, but my goal is not perfection or the ‘ideal’ weight. I just want to wear my clothes comfortably and not have to go out and buy bigger sizes. So I gauge how they feel on me rather than the number on the scale. Bottom line for me? Life is too short to be consumed by how I look. Do I want be confident of myself and feel good when I walk out the door? Sure, but beyond that, I want to enjoy the cookie with my coffee. 🙂
What a great outlook, Candi. You described exactly how I feel at this point in my life. I want to be healthy and confident and still be able to enjoy life’s little pleasures.
I don’t know. The last time I lost a significant amount of weight, I was obsessive about the scale. I weighed myself daily and if I saw it move up, I knew what I did that caused it and what I needed to do to push that number back down. Doesn’t seem to be working this time. Or maybe I’m not as motivated. Not sure yet.
It’s a tough one, Jennifer. When you can tie your actions directly to the result, it can be useful and even motivating. My personal experience has been that overall weighing myself frequently was detrimental. So I’m trying the complete break.
Oh my, yes I identifed with this post as did most of your commenters. Something ‘wrong’ isn’t it that when we were much thinner/leaner whatever (often as youngsters) we still thought of improvement.
My last few years have seen my very overweight body shed much of its excess because of anxiety, IBS then head and neck cancer. I got down to ‘the lowest weight’ since my 20s. But guess what, it was not healthy! Because with head and neck cancer the body has to stay well-fuelled.
My post for #lifethisweek (not linked here) on Monday 14 October outlines more.
Suffice to say, I am becoming less weight aware (and hop of the scales about once a month to keep me ‘honest’ and to be honest things have not changed in about 10 months!) and more glad to be well.
Denyse #mlstl
I’ve been really working on appreciating the many things my healthy body can do, Denyse. I look back and ask myself why I didn’t appreciate that lean body when I was young. I do not want to look back years from now and wonder why I didn’t appreciate my strong, healthy body in midlife. Here’s to good health for both of us for many years to come!
Hi! I haven’t owned a scale for about 20 years, maybe more. I was weighed by a doctor about a year ago, but I’d been ill and my weight was right down at that time. I don’t care how much I weigh these days, but as a teenager and young adult it was an obsession. Along with fitness exercises in the living room as a young mum. Drinking hot water with stock cubes for dinner, starving myself, counting calories (I knew everything!), and crash dieting – days with no food. Then gorging on cakes and chocolate…. Sad times.
Now I just accept my body as it is, sometimes it’s bigger than other times, but that’s life, especially as a 50+ woman! Thanks for the post! Have a great weekend! 🙂
I can relate to all of what you just said, including the coming to accept, and even appreciate, my body as it is. I’m glad to hear you disposed of your scale and your body didn’t fall apart! That gives me hope. 🙂
I do, though, still ‘monitor’ my weight – if my jeans are too tight, I eat a bit less fatty or sugary food for a couple of weeks. Listen to your body and you don’t need scales – ever! 🙂
Yes, your body will tell you when you’ve overdone it or are being too restrictive, if only we listen.
I am sure many people relate to your post, Christie. Great comments from your readers. My first blog post approximately one year ago, was how I threw out my bathroom scale. You said it well, “a long dysfunctional relationship.” I also remember being in elementary school and being very critical of my body. Great quote from Anne Lamott. All of the quotes you have added are appropriate and empowering.
I have not stepped on a scale now for two years. Changed my life in many ways, for the good. A great post, Christie, filled with many gems!
Thank you Erica. I found so many great quotes on accepting and appreciating our bodies, I just couldn’t choose one! I’m happy to hear that discarding the scale was positive for you. I’m finding the same thing–though it’s only been a short time.