Forgiveness: starting 2019 with a clean slate
January 1. There’s something magical about that date. Perhaps you hang a clean, blank calendar or crack open a brand new journal. Your options are wide open. Anything is possible. The beginning of a new year represents a chance at a fresh start. Why not take this opportunity to get rid of old hurts? Wipe the slate clean. Forgive.
If your immediate response is, “They haven’t earned it,” stop right there. This is not about them—their apologies or amends; this is all about you—your forgiveness, your healing, your fresh start. This is about you taking control.
Resentment is poison—or a hot coal
There are numerous quotes attributed to various people regarding the dangers of hanging on to resentment.
Being resentful, they say, is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die. ~Susan Cheever
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else—you are the one who gets burned. ~Florence Sherlock
Whether you compare it to poison or hot coals, the message is clear. the holder of the resentment is the loser in this scenario. You are the one with the stress and anger. You are the one living in the past at the expense of the present. You are the one who brings that bitterness into your other relationships and experiences.
Easier said than done
Once you’ve made the momentous decision to forgive, it doesn’t necessarily just happen—though it may. But if not, the Mayo Clinic has some tips that may help the forgiveness along:
- Acknowledge your emotions about the harm that was done to you and release them.
- Practice empathy. Try seeing the situation from the other person’s point of view.
- Reflect on times you’ve hurt others and on those who have forgiven you.
- Write in a journal, pray, use guided meditation, or talk to a person you’ve found to be wise and compassionate, such as a spiritual leader, a mental health provider, or an impartial loved one or friend.
Focus on change within yourself
The point of forgiveness is not to convince another person to change his or her behavior or to get an apology. There are times when forgiveness will lead to reconciliation, but even that is not the ultimate goal. Forgiveness is about changing your life—bringing you peace, happiness, and healing.
May you have a full, rewarding 2019.
Your turn
- Do you have a New Year’s Resolution or perhaps a bucket list item you’d like to share with us?
- How do you celebrate the New Year?
- Do you have a practice that helps you forgive?
- Is there anyone you’ve been meaning to apologize to? Perhaps January 1 is a good time to wipe that slate clean too.
What a great post for the New Year! So true. Thank you. ❤️
Thank you Cindy. Happy New Year to you!
Gosh, this is so hard isn’t it?? Luckily I don’t have much to forgive, but I used to obsess over how to get back at people. I’m so glad I gave that up. It is SO worth it.
Happy New Year Christie
XOXO
Jodie
http://www.jtouchofstyle.com
It is so freeing when you learn to let things go, isn’t it Jodie? Happy New Year to you and yours!
I think it’s important to forgive yourself. I tend to be better at forgiving others, and berating myself for my mistakes. I will try to cut myself some slack this year. ?
Good point Tiffany. Forgiving yourself is at least as important as forgiving others. Maybe flip the scenario in your mind. How would you speak to a friend who had done whatever it is you are berating yourself for. Happy 2019 to you and the family!
A perfect post for the new year! Thank you Christie for linking up and co-hosting with me at the #BloggingGrandmothers End of the Year Link Party 2018!
Thank you Dee, and thank you for overseeing the #BloggingGrandmothers. I appreciate your efforts and your support. Here’s to 2019!
Christie, this is a great post for the New Year. Forgiveness is not easy. But it heals the forgiver as much as the forgiven. Thanks four the reminder. Happy to co-host
with you at the #BlggingGrandmothers End of the Year Link Party!
So true Sylvia. I’ve enjoyed cohosting with you as well. Thanks and happy 2019!
Happy New Year, Christie! In my yoga class, we practice inhaling (taking in the new oxygen to rejuvenate us) and exhaling (letting go of all debris or anything that we want to leave behind). I find this deep breathing practice helps in many ways, including forgiveness.
A fresh start is nice. Coincidentally, I’m hosting a monthly Wellness link up with the first post due tomorrow January 9. The optional prompt is “A Fresh Start”. Please feel free to link up. #MLSTL
I love that breathing exercise, Natalie. I do a similar thing and it’s surprising how much that simple exercise helps. I’d love to link up with your wellness group and look forward to seeing those posts.Thank you for the invitation.
Happy New Year Christie. This is a great post to kick off 2019. I know from experience that forgiveness is extremely difficult. After many years of hanging on and resisting it, when I finally did manage forgiveness, I felt so freed up and able to continue with a happy life. Until then, I was becoming quite bitter and twisted. #MLSTL Shared on SM
Forgiveness is difficult, especially if the hurt runs deep. I’m glad that you were able to manage it and move away from the bitterness of resentment to the freedom of forgiveness. Happy New Year to you Jennifer!
I’m all about forgiveness – but we must not forget so we don’t repeat the same patterns in life, in relationships.
Good point Christine. Forgiveness does not mean we don’t learn from the situation and protect ourselves from those that would harm us. Thanks for joining the conversation.
Happy New Year, Christie! It is lovely to have you back with us at our first #MLSTL for 2019. I love the idea of starting with a clean slate and you are right that in order to move forward we need to let go of the past and resentments, forgive and then move forward. Wise words as usual and thank you for sharing with us. Have a fabulous week. xx
Thank you Sue. It’s good to be back. I look forward to all that 2019 has to offer us. Thank you for all you do for our blogging community. Enjoy your week!
Happy New Year Christie – what a lovely post to start the year off with. You’re absolutely right – forgiveness should be unconditional. I often joke that I don’t have the focus required to hold onto a slight so tend to forgive easily…of course, there have been exceptions to this rule & this post is a reminder of that.
Happy New Year to you as well Joanne! I’ve gotten much better at letting things go and seeing others’ “faults” with loving compassion as I’ve gotten older and had more life experience. I’m even getting a little better at forgiving myself for mistakes or less than stellar choices. We’re all human. Hopefully, we live and learn and progress. Have a wonderful week!
Forgiveness is so important isn’t it Christie? I’ve met a lot of bitter older women and it stems from a hurt that they never moved on from. I have no intention of being old and bitter – I think it’s time we all took responsibility for our own happiness and forgiveness is a big part of that. Letting past hurts go and learning and moving on is a great way to start a new year.
MLSTL and I’ve shared on my SM 🙂
Those are wise words, Leanne. I want to enjoy this phase of my life, not spend it fretting over some wrong that’s been done me. My mother is a great example of this. Her husband was murdered 60 years ago, and then just four years ago, her youngest son (my little brother) was killed by a reckless driver. Those things are hard to forgive, yet while she mourns the loss of loved ones, I have not seen any bitterness in her. I figure if she can forgive that, I can forgive the little things thrown my way.
This is all so true Christie. I learnt how to let things go a few years ago and it is so freeing. Life’s hard enough without carrying bitterness. Great post ?
That’s a great life lesson, Samantha, and the sooner we learn it, the more we enjoy life.
Forgiveness is so hard but the person hurt is as you say you. If we all lived like today is our last day it would make us more forgiving.
You bring up a good point, Victoria. If we live in the present moment, we give up wallowing in the past and planning a revenge for the future or waiting for an apology.
Forgiving others is so difficult sometimes, but harboring the anger and resentment is so much worse. I have seen people become bitter, old and angry because they would not let the resentment go.
I also agree with your comment, “The point of forgiveness is not to convince another person to change his or her behavior or to get an apology.” If we wait for that, we could be waiting forever! It’s up to us. We can only control ourselves. Thanks for much for these wise words.
That’s an important note, Candi–we can only control ourselves. We’ll drive ourselves crazy if we focus our effort and worry on trying to change things that are outside of our control, like other people’s opinions or behaviors.
Great post! TFS! Forgiveness is so hard for so many people. I know it’s something I struggle with. Visiting from MSTL
I suppose we all struggle with forgiveness at some point in our lives, but it’s well worth the effort. Thanks for joining the conversation, Amy.
Oh, my. I am not terribly good at apologizing…just ask my husband. But I don’t often hold a grudge. So that’s something, right?
I know people who are consumed with ill will and hard feelings toward someone from their past. Life is too short or too long to go around resenting someone for all of it! And resentment is giving someone power over your own life and feelings.
Sometimes easier said than done but I like the idea of letting bygones be bygones!
I love that you said life is too short or too long to spend it resentful. So true. Forgiveness is all about your own freedom and taking control. I do believe most people are doing the best they can at any given moment anyway. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Christie, I was working on releasing resentment last fall and find I need to think about that again…it’s similar to forgiveness, I guess. I believe I will add it to my yoga practice this month… using breath for release – resentment, stress, anger. Thanks for the inspiration. visiting from #MLSTL
Yes, Pat, I agree that releasing resentment and forgiving are closely related. I like the idea of releasing negative emotions with your exhalation. Best wishes.
A very thought provoking post Christie! I enjoyed not only reading through your post but also the comments – you have some very wise people here! As to the year ahead, I’m looking at TIME, how to get more of it and what to do with it! Sharing for #mlstl
Oh yes, use of time is a big one, Debbie. For me, a lot of it has to do with being present in the moment and truly enjoying the time I am in. Good luck in 2019! I’m excited to see where it takes us.
Christie, I’m a little late in catching up to blogs, but I so agree with your perspective on forgiveness. It has nothing to do with the other person. I’m focussing on my winter bucket list and my 101 list instead of on New Year’s Resolutions – but the new year is always a time to ‘push a little more’. Thanks for the reminders in this post. #MLSTL
Thanks for checking in, Janet. I’m also focusing on my bucket lists rather than New Year’s Resolutions. I still find 1/1 to be a great time to re-evaluate and push reset if necessary.
You only give the other person more power and control over you when you refuse to forgive. It is poison! I have so much I want to enjoy with the time left on this earth. Mindful meditation and being in the now are wonderful ways to avoid ruminating about past hurts. You can set healthy boundaries to protect yourself from it happening again. Thanks Christie! Sharing on Facebook and Twitter for #MLSTL. 🙂
Well said, Mary Lou. Forgiveness is about freedom to enjoy the present. Have a lovely day!
What an inspirational post for the new year – many of us can learn so much from this! I really enjoyed this great article and I hope you don’t mind but I added your link in my regular feature Monday Magic – Inspiring Blogs for You! Claire x (PainPalsBlog)
I’m glad you enjoyed my post, Claire, and thank you for adding it to your Monday Magic!